My First Mother's Day

Today was full of many emotions.  I had thought I'd experienced my first mother's day last year when I was 8 months pregnant.  But this year felt different.  This year, for the first time, I knew the stories and the songs first hand.  This year I had a child of my own.

My baby will be one-year-old next month, and he is growing faster than my tender heart can adjust to it.  Tonight, as we were at dinner at a friend's house, he decided to stand.  He's been timidly testing the waters the last several days, but today he stood on his own for several seconds at a time, and repeatedly.  He would hold a toy in his tiny, dimpled hands standing with support next to whatever toy or person was there, and then he'd let go and stand straight up, balancing, holding his toy like he was all grown up.  Today my little baby took another big, indelible step firmly toward little boy.  It was simultaneously thrilling and heartbreaking.


My dear, darling baby Jasper,
       I want to tell you on this very special day, my sweet, beautiful son, how much I love you and what a joy and privilege it is to be your mother.  You fill my life with happiness and meaning beyond what I can possibly express.  I do my very best to be the best mom I can for you, and however or how often I fall short, you always seem to have a hug for me, a smile, a laugh, an open-mouth "kiss" waiting for me just when I need it the most.  Today as you ate breakfast, you ate your toast with one hand, and held my finger with the other.  You smiled and babbled and kicked your darling feet like you do at your happiest, and I felt overcome by a deep well of love and gratitude and amazement, as I have so many times, marveling at what a wonder you are, and what a miracle it is that you're mine.  I feel God's love when I look at you.  My heart is so full, and I had to tell you on this, my first Mother's Day, that I'm so glad it was you.  I am so glad that you are the child who made me a mother.  Whatever my flaws, as you will surely come to know them in the coming years, I will always, always love you.  I give you my heart, I give you my best.  May you know, truly know, someday the incredible joy that fills my soul today, because of you.  And because of what you have made me.

All my love always, my angel boy,

Mom